Relational Healing
When it comes to healing from trauma, especially the kind that first responders face, seeking help can feel like a sign of weakness. But the truth is, asking for support is one of the bravest things you can do. Equine-facilitated therapy offers a nonjudgmental space where you can begin to heal without fear of stigma or criticism. The idea that “relational wounds require relational healing” is more than just a catchy phrase—it’s a deeply researched and proven concept. Rooted in attachment theory, somatic experiencing, and trauma resolution, this principle underscores the importance of safe, supportive relationships in overcoming the effects of trauma. If you’re wondering why this matters and how equine-facilitated therapy aligns with this approach, let’s explore the science and practice behind it.
Extensive research in trauma recovery highlights that trauma, particularly relational trauma, isn’t just about the events themselves—it’s about how those occurrences shape our ability to connect with others. For first responders, who often face betrayal, isolation, and emotional armor as part of their work, this understanding is crucial. Trauma can disrupt trust, create barriers to vulnerability, and leave individuals feeling disconnected from themselves and others Healing involves fostering new connections that restore balance.
This is where the concept of relational healing comes into play. Relational healing emphasizes that the way to heal from broken trust, abandonment, or neglect is through safe, supportive, and healthy relationships. While human relationships are often central to this process, animals—particularly horses—can also play a transformative role. Horses, with their calm, empathetic, and nonjudgmental presence, offer a unique kind of relational healing that’s hard to find elsewhere. They don’t judge, they don’t betray, and they don’t hold grudges. Instead, they respond to energy and presence, providing immediate and honest feedback.
Equine-facilitated therapy creates a safe space for individuals to restore trust, reconnect with their emotions, and foster healthy connections. Horses, as highly sensitive and intuitive animals, help individuals regulate their nervous systems, practice vulnerability, and develop relational skills in a nonthreatening environment. This approach is supported by evidence-based practices in trauma recovery, which show that healing occurs when individuals engage in new, positive relational experiences that counteract the effects of past trauma.
For first responders, equine-facilitated therapy offers a powerful pathway to healing. It provides practical tools for nervous system regulation, emotional release, and renewing trust—all of which are essential for overcoming the relational wounds that trauma can create. If you’ve been feeling stuck, isolated, or disconnected, know that there’s hope. Equine-facilitated therapy is grounded in relational healing and offers a way to regain lost trust. With that trust you can reconnect with your emotions, and find your way back to the relationships that matter most. And that’s something worth working towards.
What Are Relational Wounds?
First Responders know better than most that the job doesn’t just stay at work. It follows you home, into your relationships, and sometimes even into your sense of self. A profound yet often overlooked impact of this work is something called relational wounds. These are emotional injuries that happen within relationships—whether with colleagues, loved ones, or even the institutions you serve. They stem from times of betrayal, abandonment, neglect, or abuse, and they can leave you feeling unsafe, disconnected, and unable to trust others. For first responders, these wounds often come from both personal and professional events.
Let’s break it down. You’ve likely been exposed to more human suffering in a month than most people see in a lifetime. Violence, tragedy, loss—it’s part of the job. But over time, witnessing the worst of human behaviour can erode your trust in humanity and the world. It can challenge your moral code, leaving you feeling disillusioned and isolated. You might start to wonder, “How can people do these things to each other?” That’s a heavy burden to carry, and it’s no surprise it can leave a mark.
Then there’s what’s known as sanctuary trauma. This happens when the very institutions meant to protect and support you—your department, your team, your organization—fail to do so. Maybe it’s a lack of resources, supervisors who don’t stand behind you, enable you or encourage you. Or it can be inadequate mental health support, or even workplace stigma around seeking help. When you feel unsupported or betrayed by the people and systems you rely on, it compounds the trauma. It’s like being wounded twice: once by the job, and again by the place you thought had your back.
To cope with all of this, many responders develop what’s often called emotional armour. You shut down your emotions to function in high-stress situations. It’s a survival mechanism, and it works—until it doesn’t. That armour can spill over into your personal life, making it hard to connect with your partner, your kids, or your friends. You might feel like you’re going through the motions, unable to truly be present in the relationships that matter most.
And then there’s the toll on your ability to form secure attachments. The constant exposure to trauma can disrupt your ability to trust and connect with others, leading to difficulties in relationships with partners, children, and colleagues. Over time, this isolation can deepen your sense of disconnection and loneliness. You might feel like no one truly understands what you’re going through—and that can be one of the hardest parts of all.
Relational wounds are real, but they can heal. It starts with understanding what’s happening, why it’s happening, and what you can do about it. And that’s where we’re going next. Because you deserve to feel safe, connected, and supported—not just in your work, but in your life.
The Impact of Relational Wounds on First Responders
Understanding what relational wounds are was the first step, but it’s also important to recognize how these wounds show up in your life and what they look like. The truth is, relational wounds don’t just stay tucked away in the back of your mind—they spill over into your mental health, your relationships, and your overall well-being. If you’ve been feeling off lately, or if your relationships feel strained, it’s worth considering how these wounds might be playing a role in what you have been seeing.
One of the most common impacts is hypervigilance. You know the feeling—your body is always on high alert, even when you’re somewhere safe, like at home or with people you trust. It’s like your brain is stuck in work mode, scanning for danger even when there isn’t any. This constant state of alertness can make it nearly impossible to relax or feel at ease. You might find yourself snapping at loved ones over small things or feeling irritable for no apparent reason. It’s exhausting, and it’s not your fault—it’s actually just your body’s way of trying to protect you.
Then there’s emotional numbness. After years of suppressing your emotions to get through the job, you might find it hard to feel much of anything at all. Joy, love, connection—they can all start to feel out of reach. You might go through the motions of daily life, but it feels like you’re watching yourself from the outside. This detachment can be incredibly isolating, making it hard to connect with the people who care about you most.
Of course, detachment caused by relational wounds can easily lead to strained relationships. When you’ve been hurt or betrayed—whether by the job, your organization, or even people in your personal life—it’s natural to put up walls. But those walls which we create to protect ourselves can make it hard to let others in, even when they want to support you. Over time, this can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation, even when you’re surrounded by people who care.
We have to consider the cumulative toll on your mental health too. Unhealed relational wounds can contribute to burnout, post-traumatic stress injury (PTSI), and even suicidal ideation. These aren’t just buzzwords—they’re real, serious challenges that many first responders face. If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or like you’re just going through the motions, it’s not a sign of weakness or of having made mistakes. It’s a sign that you’ve been carrying a lot, and it’s time to address it.
You don’t have to carry this alone any longer. There are ways to heal these wounds and reclaim your sense of safety, connection, and trust. It started with recognizing the impact these wounds are having on your life and then taking the first step toward healing because you deserve to feel like yourself again, both on and off the job. Understanding these wounds is the first step, but healing requires addressing not just the mind, but the body as well.
Healing and Nervous System Regulation
Trauma doesn’t just live in the mind—it lives in the body. For first responders, the cumulative stress and trauma of the job often manifest physically, whether as tension, fatigue, or a constant state of hyperarousal. This is where embodied healing comes in. Embodied healing focuses on reconnecting with the body, releasing stored trauma, and restoring balance to the nervous system. And for many, equine-facilitated therapy offers a profound pathway to achieving this.
When we experience trauma, our nervous system can become dysregulated. This means we might oscillate between states of hyperarousal (feeling anxious, on edge, or hypervigilant) and hypoarousal (feeling numb, shut down, or disconnected). For first responders, this dysregulation can feel like a constant battle—always being “on” at work, then struggling to switch “off” at home. Over time, this takes a toll on both physical and emotional well-being.
Horses, as prey animals, are masters of nervous system regulation. They are highly attuned to their environment and the energy of those around them, which makes them exceptional partners in embodied healing. When you work with a horse, they respond to your nervous system state in real time. If you’re dysregulated—say, feeling anxious or agitated—the horse may mirror that energy, becoming restless or hesitant. But if you can ground yourself and find calm, the horse will often respond with calmness too. This instant feedback loop helps you become more aware of your body and learn how to regulate your nervous system.
Equine-facilitated therapy also engages the body in ways that traditional talk therapy often doesn’t. Activities like brushing, leading, or simply standing alongside a horse require you to be fully present in your body. This embodied engagement helps you reconnect with physical sensations and emotions that may have been buried or ignored. For first responders, who often dissociate from their bodies as a coping mechanism, this reconnection can be transformative.
One of the key principles of embodied healing is co-regulation. Co-regulation is the process by which one nervous system helps regulate another. Horses are natural co-regulators. Their calm, grounded presence can help soothe a dysregulated nervous system, bringing you back to a state of safety and balance. Over time, this co-regulation can teach you how to self-regulate—how to calm yourself in moments of stress or overwhelm, even when you’re not with the horse.
Equine-facilitated therapy also provides opportunities for somatic release. Trauma is often stored in the body as tension or trapped energy. Through movement, breath, and interaction with the horse, you can begin to release this stored energy in healthy ways. For example, walking alongside a horse or engaging in grounding exercises can help discharge pent-up stress and restore a sense of ease to the body.
Finally, embodied healing through equine-facilitated therapy fosters a deeper connection to yourself. By reconnecting with your body and learning to regulate your nervous system, you can begin to re-establish trust in your own resilience and capacity for healing. This isn’t just about feeling better in the moment—it’s about creating lasting change that supports your well-being both on and off the job.
For first responders, embodied healing isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. The work you do demands so much of your body and mind, and equine-facilitated therapy offers a way to give back to yourself. It’s a chance to release the weight you’ve been carrying, reconnect with your body, and restore balance to your nervous system. And in doing so, it opens the door to deeper relational healing, helping you nurture trust, connection, and resilience in every area of your life.
What First Responders Need So They Can Heal
If you’ve been feeling the weight of relational wounds—whether it’s the hypervigilance, the emotional numbness, or the strain on your relationships—it’s important to know that healing is possible. You don’t have to stay stuck in this cycle. But healing doesn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t happen in isolation. It requires creating safe, supportive, and healthy relational experiences. Let’s talk about what that looks like for you.
First and foremost, you need a safe space. This is the foundation for healing. It’s an environment where you feel understood, supported, and free from judgment. Maybe it’s with a trusted therapist, a support group, or even a close friend who gets it. The key is that you feel safe enough to let your guard down and start exploring what’s really going on inside. You’ve spent so much time protecting yourself—now it’s time to find a place where you can just be.
Next, there’s rebuilding trust. Let’s face it—trust is often the first casualty of relational wounds. Whether it’s trust in others, in your organization, or even in yourself, it takes time and consistent, empathetic interactions to rebuild. This might mean starting small, like opening up to someone you trust or setting boundaries with people who’ve let you down. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it. Trust is the glue that holds relationships together, and without it, it’s hard to feel truly connected.
Then there’s reconnecting with your emotions. If you’ve been suppressing your feelings to survive—and let’s be honest, most of us have—it can feel scary to start feeling again. But emotions aren’t the enemy. They’re a vital part of who you are, and reconnecting with them is a key part of healing. This might look like journaling, talking to a therapist, or even just giving yourself permission to feel without judgment. It’s about creating a safe and supportive context where your emotions can come out of hiding.
Finally, there’s fostering connection. Healing relational wounds isn’t just about fixing what’s broken—it’s about building something new. It’s about restoring connections with yourself, your loved ones, and your colleagues. This might mean having honest conversations with your partner, spending quality time with your kids or loved ones, or finding ways to link with your team at work. Healthy relationships are key to healing, and they’re worth investing in.
Healing relational wounds is about creating the kind of relationships that make you feel safe, supported, and valued. It’s not always easy, but it’s possible. And you don’t have to do it alone. There are people, resources, and tools out there to help you every step of the way. So, let’s talk about one of those tools—equine-facilitated therapy—and how it can help you heal. Because you deserve to feel whole again, both on and off the job.
How Equine-Facilitated Therapy Provides Relational Healing
So, we’ve talked about what relational wounds are, how they impact you, and what you need to heal. But how do you actually do that? How do you trust again, reconnect with your emotions, and foster healthy connections when you’ve been carrying so much for so long? Corrective emotional experiences—new, positive interactions that help heal old wounds—are a key part of this process. This is where equine-facilitated therapy comes in. It might sound unconventional, but for many first responders, working with horses has been a game-changer. Here’s why.
First, horses provide a safe space. If you’ve been feeling like you can’t let your guard down, horses offer a nonjudgmental environment where you can. They don’t care about your rank, your past, or your mistakes—they just respond to your energy and presence. Their calm and grounded nature helps regulate your nervous system, creating a sense of safety that’s hard to find elsewhere, making it easier to breathe, to relax, and to just “be”.
Then there’s the process of healing that broken trust. Horses are incredibly perceptive. They respond authentically to your emotions, offering immediate, unfiltered feedback. If you’re feeling anxious or guarded, they’ll pick up on it. If you’re calm and present, they’ll respond to that too. The honesty of the horse in this interaction helps you cultivate trust again in a way that feels safe and nonthreatening. It’s not about words or explanations—it’s about energy and connection. And over time, the horse’s honesty can help you start to trust again, not to trust just the horse, but yourself and others too.
One of the most powerful aspects of equine-facilitated therapy is the nonverbal communication. Horses don’t rely on words—they communicate through body language and energy. This is huge for first responders, because so much of what you carry isn’t easy to put into words. Working with a horse allows you to access and process emotions that might feel too big or too complicated to talk about. It’s like they give you a new way to communicate – a way that you don’t have to actually explain yourself. They just get you.
Horses also serve as intuitive guides in emotional awareness and regulation. Their remarkable sensitivity allows them to detect even the subtlest shifts in your energy, responding in ways that reflect your internal state. For instance, if you’re feeling scattered or tense, a horse may mirror that unease, offering you a clear, unfiltered reflection of what you’re carrying. On the other hand, when you cultivate calm and presence, the horse often responds with a matching steadiness, creating a harmonious connection. This dynamic interaction not only deepens your awareness of your emotional and physiological states but also provides a safe, nonverbal space to practice grounding techniques. In this way, horses become more than just mirrors—they become partners in helping you navigate and refine your ability to self-regulate in real time."
Finally, there’s the concept of corrective emotional experiences. This is a fancy way of saying that the bond you form with a horse can help heal old wounds. For example, if you’ve struggled with trust because of past betrayals, the consistent and reliable presence of a horse can help you foster trust again. It’s not about replacing human relationships—it’s about creating a new, positive experience that helps you heal and grow.
Equine-facilitated therapy is a powerful, science-based tool. It offers a unique combination of safety, connection, and feedback that can help you address the relational wounds you’ve been carrying. And for many first responders, it’s been the key to finding their way back to themselves and the people they care about. So, if you’ve been feeling stuck, know that there are options out there—and healing is possible. And again, you don’t have to do it alone.
Healing from relational wounds isn’t easy, but it’s possible. Equine-facilitated therapy offers a unique combination of safety, connection, and feedback that can help you mend broken trust, reconnect with your emotions, and find your way back to the relationships that matter most. If you’ve been feeling stuck, know that you don’t have to face this alone. Healing is within reach—and it starts with taking the first step. Whether it’s through working with horses, seeking therapy, or simply reaching out to a trusted friend, there are options available to help you heal. You’ve spent so much time caring for others; now it’s time to care for yourself.
Blog Credits:
The featured image is original artwork by Shawn McCowell.
This blog was guest written by Robert Parry with Renew & Rise Writing in 2025.
Robert Parry left McMaster University and entered the OPP where he served the community he lived in for 25 years as a front line officer and acquired PTSD. As a life-long learner, Robert returned to university after retiring and pursued studies to obtain a BSc in Professional Studies which enhanced his capacity for researching, writing, collaborating and complex thinking. He became a Peer Support Volunteer and is now devoting his abilities to support the wellness professionals who support his community of Emergency Responders with PTSD.
