When someone becomes upset, and the tensions rise, what is your response? What about if that person is you?
A seemingly small moment can quickly take a turn, and suddenly there is tension and conflict. It can happen so fast that it can appear like it came out of nowhere. This sense of surprise, or shock, can really impact our ability to respond in healthy ways, not to mention the plethora of other emotions that might accompany a particular stressful situation. We can so often find ourselves escalating conflict instead of de-escalating, helping to restore a sense of calm, where thoughtful communication is possible.
In many ways, de-escalation is not only a skill, it’s an art. There are so many things that can make or break how effectively we are able to turn down the dial of intensity, both within ourselves and with others. One thing is for sure: there’s no hope of being able to effectively de-escalate a situation if we’re all worked up too.
This is where a pause can be our best friend. A moment to process the possible shock of an escalated situation, and a moment to calm our own nervous system. With a calmer nervous system, helping our bodies feel some sense of safety and connection, we now have the ability to share that sense of calm with others.
As you read through the following reflections by trauma therapist Dr. Rebecca Bailey, extreme trauma survivor Jaycee Dugard, horse specialist Margie McDonald, and self-actualization coach Carmen Theobald, consider what “de-escalation” means to you.
De-escalation is only possible when we embody it. This is where horses can be really helpful, teaching us to step into our power in heartfelt, grounded ways that are for the good of the “herd”.
Horse Sense North is the Canadian Partner to Polyvagal Equine Institute. Carmen regularly contributes to their “Word of the Week” blog posts. Her introductions to those blogs are now available here, through the Horse Sense North website. To read the full post, click here.
